update... it's been a while
Omg HI GUYS!!!
It's been SO LONG since I last posted... let me do some quick maths... SEVEN MONTHS!! Well... I guess I'd better lock in and write this blog post then. Kkripsa if you're reading this- yk you have some work to do as well :)
EARLIER THIS YEAR
- UCAT
I feel like a lot has happened yet nothing has at all? But I'd definitely be lying if I said UCAT wasn't one of the most mind occupying things that has happened this year... Now that I'm looking back on it, I don't think I enjoyed ANY part of UCAT preparation at all. Sure, it was fun to be preoccupied with something in my life, but it just was so NOT worth it if I'm gonna be honest.
- 18th
However... RIGHT after UCAT (and RIGHT after term 3 started too...) was MY BIRTHDAY!! There was nothing that made it different from any other birthday ngl but I think it's the thought of turning eighteen that really matters T-T. Like. I'm an ADULT now.
I'm also not one for receiving gifts really, but showing up to school empty handed and coming home with a bunch of gift bags made me feel really special and loved 🥹 It's like, I realised I had people who appreciated me and I appreciated them just as much <33 What a bittersweet feeling :')
Tbh, I don't think I felt the full effect of being 18 until recently really. It might be placebo but I feel a sense of independence in the sense that I don't really ask my parents for permission to do much anymore, I just tell them and they let me ? (That could be because I just don't do anything bad but let me have my sense of freedom)
TERM 3 HOLIDAYS
- Mock Exams
Man... you really thought we'd get a break for all the chaos in term three, but NO we get hit with PRACTICE EXAMS during our precious holidays T-T. So smelly. I was lucky I only had four because - surprise surprise! - Clark decided to run our music exams 'in class'.
Not only did I have school exams, but CONTOUR (tuition) ALSO RAN MOCKS :C. I booked my chem and mme mock on the same day - cuz I mean, what could go wrong? - and guess what... I couldn't sleep the night before and got 30 minutes of sleep 😀 Yeah, so guess who sat through 6 hours of hell on 30 minutes of sleep. ME. There also wasn't time for lunch in between so I went to the chemist for some nut bars, only for me to discover THEY WERE LIKE COLLAGEN SKIN NUT BARS????????? tasted DISGUSTING btw.
- HFE meetup
Ahhhh... at least there was a good highlight of the holidays. We had our second ever HFE meetup!!! (Thank you C for hosting!!) It was so successful and the HFE founders were so overjoyed to see everyone getting along. I mean it IS surprising, how integrated everyone seemed?!?!?! Like even though some people were meeting for the first time and most people didn't talk to each other a lot before this- I really appreciated how people weren't shy at all to participate in the haps of the day. That was really nice to see.
Our HFE server is also just REALLY odd. It's comprised of such a RANDOM bunch of people and it makes me laugh every time I think about it. Although I keep getting bullied in my own server (bruh) I guess it's kinda worth it cuz its just SO NICE to see us all getting along. Brings tears to my eyes (I sound so old)
- Friends
If only year 9 me could see where I was now... I think she'd be really happy. I can't believe that I've made friends with people I never thought I would be friends with. I just feel an odd sense of relief that I've found a stable and solid friendship with my girls (yk who you are) who are so precious and dear to me. They're such a combo of funny, smart and talented people and I'm just so glad to have them.
I recently had a long overdue chat with my best friend (J)... I feel like year 12 has pushed us away a little but we've never felt DISTANT from each other yk? I'm so glad I have her cuz we went through sm stuff together throughout the past years.
Ig where I'm tryna go with this is that I love the people in my life. They make me really happy and I'd have no clue where I would be without them all <3
- Family
I don't wanna write much and bore ya'll but I just gotta say I LOVE MY FAMILY TOO
SCHOOL
I feel like no matter what happens, atm everything just comes back to school. It's been such a rollercoaster and despite all the good things that happen in my life, school has some way of just bringing it back down. I know it's bad, but with exams drawing nearer, I keep on checking the STUPID grade distributions for all my subjects T-T. It's such a bad habit but I can't help thinking I can't get what I want... I also think that my biology exam set really high expectations for myself cuz I enjoyed locking in for the exam SO MUCH and getting an A+ felt so much more simple compared to... now.
My SAC scores this year have been all over the place. I have some REALLY good sacs (guys, 4 100% sacs this year!!) and some REALLY mid sacs. WHY do I have to be so inconsistent?? It lowkey pisses me off bc idrk what to do to make it good T-T.
- Music
Lost cause. Don't even wanna talk about this. CLARK STILL HASN'T GOTTEN OUR SAC FROM TERM 2 BACK TO US. grade distribution says 100% on the performance exam counts as an A+. #wtf
- Methods
Lost cause 2. Did alright the first SAC, now everything comes crashing down. I also HATE going to tuition now cuz I have no friends and it has too many men and my tutor lowkey pities me too much for me to lock in. Hate being there. Also can't get above like 50% on any practice exams wth. Also grade distribution is too high for me to get a good study score. :/
- Chemistry
Chem isn't entirely a lost cause. I've just had two extremely disappointing sacs (imo at least) that have dragged my (previously really good) average DOWN. I've also reached a plateau in terms of my practice exam grades. I just can't get any higher than what I'm currently scoring and it's really pissing me off. I also can't be mad in peace cuz I have this angel on my shoulder who keeps telling me my grades are fine. Love you to pieces btw BUT MAN ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR AN EXAMMMM AHHHH
- Eng Lang
Hopeful. SAC scores throughout the year were ok. I have faith for the exam. Also reassurance from ms mills did a lot for my confidence so. Dear god I hope I do good cuz STUPID ENGLISH is top 4. grade distribution says sac scores are not bad and exam will probably be ok provided I dont throw.
- Legal
Only probable saving grace. SAC scores pretty good! Mock exam WAY above what I expected. It's looking good so far. Grade distribution approves of sac scores and exam... I'm not too stressed. Dont let me down now 😭🙏
I feel like I've been really unhappy this year... I hope it's just year 12 and next year things will be great!! I'm really really scared for this to end tho... As much as I HATE it all, I'm worried bc year 12 to uni will be such a big change with friends, family, even the idea of moving- all of it is so troubling. I don't wanna leave any of these people I love so much behind </3
Anyway, I've written too much for one blog, but I really don't think I'll be coming back soon. Although who knows??
Good luck to everyone on their exams :)
